Lifetime

A lifetime of seeking
to walk the right road,
a lifetime of reaping
the seeds that I’ve sowed,
a lifetime of aiming
and shots in the dark,
a lifetime of blaming
and missing the mark;
a lifetime of lacking
the trust that I’ve needed
a lifetime of slacking
and points I’ve conceded,
a lifetime of desperately
wanting to breeze through
a lifetime of breathlessly
wanting to please you
a lifetime of paddling
in water so shallow
a lifetime of battling
with knowing I’m callow
a lifetime of yearning
to swim in the deep
a lifetime of learning
I’ll always be cheap.

Tried to do what was right
without stopping to think:
wandered into the night,
blundered into the drink,
saw a chance to connect,
to make up for the past,
saw a hope to deflect
all the hurt I’ve amassed,
seeking to rescue
relationships broken,
hoping to undo
harsh words that I’ve spoken.
Just like a newcomer,
not all that bright,
dancing with lucifer,
angel of light:
signing my soul away,
hapless but willing;
watching my life decay,
helplessly chilling.
A lifetime of seeking
to walk the right road,
a lifetime of reaping
the seeds that I’ve sowed.